dear dad.

I think that all I want is for him to notice me. Love me, hold me, recognize me, actually see me, but sometimes I think that its impossible. Sometimes, I think he doesn’t see me, & maybe it would make no difference if I even existed. I wonder if I made any difference, & if I did, I don’t feel it, I don’t see it. I feel like maybe if my existence fell off the face of this planet, he wouldn’t even notice. Yet, I scream for his attention, beg for his affection, hurt for his love.
I don’t know how many tears I have shed over this matter, but no matter how many fall, they only fall to become absorbed in my torn tissue. And one tissue after another, the box is eventually empty; still I continue to cry, for him because I love him.