Once upon a time

The once upon a times do exist. Once upon a time, I was broken. Once upon a time, I was lost, and then, once upon a time, I was found. But I didn't find myself, God found me in all my brokenness. In all the lost, broken, shattered, and forgotten pieces, God found me. He saved me. 

God became my happily ever after, when i became completely consumed in my own death story and struggle. When my idea of an ending became the end to my life, when I couldn't gather my broken pieces, when I couldn't manage my own sanity, God had already written the ending to my ugly, unmanageable, beautiful life. And He made sure that in my deepest pit of darkness, He was my light. That when I was shackled to the ocean floor by boundless, non existent weights, He was the hand pulling me to the surface. God was always waiting and holding His unconditional hands out for me to touch. 

I realize that i haven't been running from myself, or from fear, but I was running from my one true love. And my one true love has been running after me the entire time. I was just to selfish to turn around, and recognize His beautiful voice calling for me. And here i am, at this fork in the road, with God next to me, holding my hand. I am finally now letting Him lead the way. 

Broken crumbs

I have been picking up the shattered pieces, as I find them along this path we call life. And slowly, but surely, these pieces come together into this thing i once called my heart, but this time, the shape it makes, no longer matches with what I was once born with. Constantly, it falls apart, and yet again, I pick them hoping this time I can hold it long enough to make it through one more day. And I hope that when I wake up tomorrow, the pieces will still be held together, that along my path of life I'll keep finding the missing pieces, hoping and praying, that maybe God will restore it to the innocent thing that it once was. 

But little do I know, the heart I was born with, God never let it out of His powerful grasp. Little did I know, that the pieces I have been picking up were not of His gift, but of my own brokenness. These small pieces I have been desperately searching, and selfishly holding on to, these small broken, unmanageable, and painful pieces, were only bread crumbs leading me into the arms of my unconditional lover. 

Love at first sight

I am her first love, her first touch, her first kiss. I have been her shelter, protection and strength. 

She has completely captured my heart and holds it tight in the grasp of her tiny hands. The beauty in her eyes cannot be described, the happiness in her smile cannot be compared, the love in hear heart exists beyond understanding, I am completely in love with with this precious child I call daughter. 

She sees my every secret, she hears my every cry, and lives all my sins next to me. She watches every moment of life with me in complete joy. Even though I am dying inside, she becomes more alive. She grows older, as I grow closer to death. 

I was given the gift of life, I was given the gift of mother hood. She gave me love that I have never experienced. She has forgiven me, although she knows nothing of the past... Jesus taught her well. I'm sure they have sat together, contemplating discussing, and loving the idea behind this gift we call love.

My life has been completely transformed, my heart explodes with love love and joy. She calls me mommy and will call her forever mine.